Saturday, 15 August 2009

Biblically Bad Faux Beer Launch Iminent


Carlsberg looks set to unleash Eve, the female-targeted 'near-beer', on the UK market.

Now, I've already dissected MolsonCoor's recent trial of a similar product, so before I comment on this latest development here are the tasting notes on Eve from my good friend Laurent:

"3.1% ABV, very syrupy, very sweet, pinkish and bubbly, with an overpowering chemical fruit taste. The front half of one's tongue is coated with the agressive sweet fruitiness (feels like your tastebuds are dying one-by-one, blown up by the flavouring's overkill...), and the back half of the tongue does not send any signal, as if it was dead.

"Indeed, no bitterness to be expected from lychee or passion fruit flavours, but they even managed to produce a grapefruit taste completely devoid of bitterness... grapefruit being by far the less offensive of the three (yes, I've tasted actually all three, and it's not a nice recollection).

"Hops ? no perceptible hops... taste of the base beer ? No taste recognisable as such, no trace of yeast, fermentation, anything reminiscent of beer..."

Mmm, doesn't Eve sound yummy?!

I had read an article in Brewer's Guardian that mentioned this product but hadn't heard anything about it potentially hitting the UK until Laurent sent me this link to a design agency's website, where they are giving it large about the creative they've come up with for the product, so I think it's safe to say that it's just about to come to our stores.

Do you know what really cheeses me off though, is that when they launched the Jacobsen range a few years ago I had women going mad for the Bramley Wit, it was delicious! Put out of your minds the taste of Applebocq , this was a deliciously well-balanced, very slightly tart (in that really good apple sauce way), a nice coriander & orange peel aspect you'd expect and a fabulous body with lingering wheaty-apple notes - not to mention wonderful glassware and a beautiful bottle.

It was a craft-brewed product from their microbrewery in Coppenhagen and ticks all the bloody boxes about what people want more of from their beer, artisan brewed etc.

But, maybe I'm just being that little bit too radical again so thank you Carlsberg, it's just as well you're here to remind us ladeez not to get too big for our britches on the flavour front.

You've caught us just in time because us girlies were just beginning to take our tastebuds out of saccharine atrophy, so thank you for putting us right back into our sweet little fluffy, sparkly-pink boxes.

Anyway, I simply must dash now, there's ironing, cleaning and baking to do before the man of the house gets back from the football...



(image from www.StarvetheBardies.com)

9 comments:

Tyson said...

Yes, it's all very ridiculous. I've blogged about this as they are trialling it in 50 bars in Manchester. I'm sure the women folk of the North West are overcome with joy.

Laurent Mousson said...

Fact is, since it was first launched in Switzerland in the autumn of 2006, Eve has allowed Carlsberg Switzerland to maintain its production volume to a pretty stable level in a general downwards trend (people turning away from mass-market lager for tastier beers indeed tend to drink less in terms of sheer volume).

So Carlsberg probably believe it is the magic bullet that'll help the face the crisis. They've released it in Germany a year ago with a similar marketing plan...

Both Swiss and German websites make for very interesting perusing even if you don't understand the lingo, as the über-clichéed marketing plan could have equally been used for cosmetics :

http://www.cardinal-eve.ch/
(Switzerland : in German or French)

http://www.eve-bauchkribbeln.de
(German, in German only)

Sending women back to sweet little fluffy, spakling-pink boxes again indeed... ;o(((

The most perverted thing about it is that when it was originally was launched in 2006, Carlberg Switzerland put forward the claim that they had created a task force constituted of women only to come up with that one, and make sure it lived up to the expectations of women.
Yeah right.

Cooking Lager said...

It needs to be stronger to grab the bacardi breezer crowd. How on earth is a girl meant to get wrecked, cop off and vomit in the gutter on 3% ?

Melissa Cole said...

Priceless!

Melissa Cole said...

@Tyson - what's your blog?

Laurent Mousson said...

Welll, never underestimate the ability of the industry to adapt to local market, the Swiss version may be 3.1% ABV, but if C-UK feel they need an higher ABV for the UK, the production side will no doubt come up with it without a hitch... ;o(

Nate said...

"Another text"/"Sip and a Giggle"???
Are they marketing to fifteen year females?

I do see why a female (any female, not just the beer drinking female) should be irritated by this stereotypical marketing.

I would like to taste it myself just to see how non-beer-like it really is, and then spew it out in disgust. I don't suppose this will make it to the U.S.?

Tyson said...

My thoughts on this
http://tysonsbeerblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/one-for-ladies.html

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