Hero to Zero

Previously I've praised the Portman Group for having a sensible attitude about spurious complaints, like those made against Dorothy Goodbody's - but they have completely lost the plot over their criticism of Brew Dog's labelling.

Apparently - according to the same organisation that doesn't have enough teeth to stop the massive discounting of commodity beers in supermarkets - this fantastically funny and witty bunch of independent brewers are in breach of various areas of the code with various beer descriptors.

I'm not saying that brewers should be free to make claims that a person drinking their beer will become Superman, Don Juan and Stephen Hawking - from one sip - but using the phrase 'twisted, merciless stout' should surely be allowable?!

Frankly, if you are so stupid that you think the phrases ‘nourishing foodstuff’ and ‘magic is still there to be extracted from this drink’ implies that 'it could enhance mental or physical capabilities' you damn well deserve to have your life terminated by jumping off some very high scaffolding with your pants over your trousers, screaming 'I Believe I Can Fly' - because at least it would take you out of the gene pool or, if the injuries weren't fatal, it should at least stop you even paddling in the shallow end!

Beer Geek's Breakfast

Well, this beer geek's breakfast was judging the Sainsbury's Beer Competition yesterday and the final 15 were a jolly impressive round-up of good to great beers - full list below.

My personal favourite of the bunch was Holden's Golden Glow - do you know why? Because it is a just a really good, easy drinking, well balanced beer - and you just don't get enough of those these days.

It is a British ale, just 4.4%, and it's made with Maris Otter and Fuggles - and all those simple things somehow combined to make beery nectar of the highest order.

What really struck me about this beer was it did everything just right - the mouthfeel was silky without being sickly, the biscuit of the malt wasn't too sweet and the hops were just bitter enough to make me want to take another sip, and another, and another!

So well done Holden's - for me you were head and shoulders above everyone else in the craft of balanced brewing.

I also had a good chat with the beer buyer - and Sainsbury's seems pretty committed to stocking good beer and supporting the brewers who make it, which is nice to see.

I'm not advocating abandoning local beer purveyors if you use them, but if you are going to shop in a supermarket for your beer then choose one that gives brewers a fair deal.

Anyway, on to the reason for the title of this post. Having finished in Holborn I had to head to Borough to do some work on my new joint venture http://www.lovebeeratborough.ning.com/ and I got caught, as so often happens, having a couple in the Rake.

Whereupon I met Phil Lowry from Cave Direct , who may need to redeem himself after saying something along the lines of 'you look nothing like your facebook picture' and then following it up later with the comment 'it's a sexy picture'!!!! My fragile ego has naturally been shattered by these comments...

Anyway, he's currently still, just about, making the Christmas card list because he introduced me to the Beer Geek's Breakfast, a coffee stout from Mikkeller.

These former home-brew enthusiasts were voted fifth best Danish brewer in 2006 and on the strength of this beer I can see why.

Although I will honestly say it's a little sweet for my taste, coffee lovers will adore it - it's made with a pretty complex mix of malts, hops, molasses and coffee - pale, oat, smoked, caramunich, brown, pale chocolate and chocolate, roasted barley, flaked oats, Palisade, Centennial and Cascade.

And I love their unashamed assertion that you should actually drink this to start the day: "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, many say, and if you are a beer geek there is no better way to start the day than with a powerful, complex morning stout. The unique mix of oats and coffee gives this beer large body and power, while the coffee, at the same time, creates a nice balance."

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Sainsbury's Beer Competition Winners
Williams Bros Brewing Co Good Times
Holden's Brewery Ltd Golden Glow
Hampshire Brewery Pendragon
Highgate Brewery Ltd Highgate Old Ale
St Peter's Brewery St Peter's Amarillo Ale
Sharps Brewery Honey Spice Wheat Beer
Okell & Son Ltd Dr Okells IPA
Copper Dragon Scotts 1816
Frederic Robinson Ltd Ginger Tom
Redrat Craft Brewery Crazy Dog Stout
Bath Ales Barnstormer
Ridgeway Brewing Beer of the Gods
Greene King Greene King Sun Dance
Arundel Brewery Prizefighter
Williams Bros Brewing Co Harvest Son
Cairngorm Brewery Company Trade Winds

I'm Now a Hairy Biker 'Chick'

It's a rare thing that I meet people so totally genuine and lovely that they get an honourable mention on the blog but Dave Myers and Si King, also known as the Hairy Bikers, you've utterly stolen my heart!

I met the lads when I was filming a slot for Market Kitchen about Belgian beers and, due to the nature of TV things, I spent a lot of time hanging about waiting to appear but Si & Dave (along with Matt Tebbutt, Tom Parker-Bowles, Patrick Gwynn Jones and the whole of the crew) made time simply fly by.

The Bikers' bonhomie, passion for food and incredible love for Belgian beer permeated the whole studio and made the whole experience an absolute hoot.

For those of you who haven't experienced these guys' unique brand of food programming you've missed a real treat but can make up for it by catching them on UKTV Food (Sky channel 259) with a repeat of their tour of India from Monday April 14.

And I can honestly say to those of you who have seen and loved them, I promise you, what you see is most definitely what you get - isn't that fantastic?

This post promotes a television appearance I made.

Camino Out and Play

Well done to the lovely Richard Bigg and his team at Camino on winning Best Bar in the Observer Food Monthly Awards.

The venue, just a stone's throw from King's Cross and St Pancras, is simply one of my favourite places in the capital, I just wish it was a bit closer to where I live!

With beer served in frozen glasses for that fabulous 'oh my god I'm on holiday' vibe, this tapas bar and Spanish restaurant with its separate entrances, which does nothing to undermine the vibe, awesome graffitti and great service is simply divine.

And they don't just have a boring bog-standard blonde Cerveza list, they actually bother with tasting notes and exciting brews - see below for their offerings and may I suggest you book now because the minute the rest of the world discovers this relaxed food and drink wonderland it's going to be busy!

Cruzcampo (de barril) 5.0% Bright golden pilsner style. Crisp, clean + refreshing premium lager from Seville £2.00 (1/2 pint frozen mug) / £3.45 (pint) / £6.90 (2 pint jug)

Alhambra Premium 4.6% 330ml Rounded, smooth, easy & well balanced lager from Granada £2.90

Estrella Damm 4.6% 330ml The smell is of faint grain with a touch of smoked veggies and some husk £3.20

Ambar 1900 'La Zaragozana' 4.8% 330ml Pale ale from Aragón. Characterful + creamy, gutsy with good body £3.20

Amber Negra 4.8% 330ml Soft, smooth and malty stout from Aragon £3.20

Up-Skirt Quangos

Now there's a headline I thought I'd never write, but then who would have thought a Government-funded agency would waste taxpayers' money staring up the skirt of a bottle label?

Seriously!

A representative of Alcohol Concern the – and I use the term loosely – think-tank on alcohol strategy, decided an efficient use of its time would be to complain about the picture of a buxom wench on Dorothy Goodbody’s Wholesome Stout claiming it was sexually suggestive and clearly commando - which I honestly can't see, even when it's been suggested to me.

But what I can see is the future, if this over-zealous Puritanical attitude is representative of government-funded agencies, and this future is one where we'll see the banning of:

1. Betty Boop
2. Jessica Rabbit
3. The Beryl Cook ladies
4. And the Fat Slags from Viz are dead-cert for the chop

Thank God the Portman Group, the UK’s drinks watchdog, has got some sort of perspective on reality and knocked back the complaint stating that the branding was merely ‘saucy’ and the claim that the woman in the picture wasn’t wearing any undergarments was a case of ‘the complainant’s imagination getting the better of them’.

But, it seems sense prevails more here than in the US where, for example, Rose de Gambrinus from Cantillon caused a bit of a stir in Maine because, shock horror, it has a rather pretty watercolour of a nude woman sitting on what looks like one of those naughty Greek god’s lap; and another state, Ohio I believe, has banned representations of Belgium’s famous statue the Manneken Pis from beer bottles too - because, and get this, it doesn't allow children to be represented on bottles of alcohol - I feel it necessary at this juncture to point out that the damn statue is over 400 years old!

And then there’s the French offering of la Biere sans Cullottes, which has a picture of a rather strapping lady with torn top and a bare breast (the result of being in a bloody great scrap by the look of it) rallying the troops for another charge in the name of la Révolution, which got censored in parts of the States too.

Which brings me to the subject of where’s the line? Well it’s a tough one and whilst I don’t find many beer bottle labels or pump clips offensive some people might - personally, I’m significantly more worried about the music videos I see on MTV these days!

But, I have to admit, that a very small minority of clips and labels are offensive, most of these are also just puerile, so I don’t buy those beers – I don’t care if they are the dog’s dangly bits I won’t spend my money on them.

But that's my decision - I don't need a quango squandering my taxes to direct me on this...

N.B. I did try to speak with Alcohol Concern on two occasions, but was unable to elicit a comment from this organisation.

Networking Opportunities

Morning all, just a quick one to say there are two new beery social networking sites.

First is Democracy's Drink and the second is the Aleumenati - interesting move forward from the blog culture to facebook-esque networking sites.

Looking forward to see how these develop and may even set up one for a new business I'll be announcing later this week... watch this space!

A Little Less Conversation a Little More Action

I'm delighted to have so many new comments on the blog and, at the risk of blowing my new-found popularity (which is still bemusing me, I've never had so much feedback on one article!), I've been thinking about how to further explain why it's pointless 'marketing' beer at women when education is the way forward.

What prompted this train of thought is that I was talking to a mate the other day - in the run-up to Valentine's Day - and he was asking me for help buying his Mrs some underwear.

Now, after I'd cleared up that he wasn't expecting me to model it or such like, I started giving him some advice and I suddenly realised what was perfectly normal to me was in fact double Dutch and daunting to another section of society - because of a total lack of education!

I'm not saying he was thick- quite the contrary, actually, he's annoyingly intelligent - but when has anyone sat the average bloke down and said: "Look, this is what 38 means and this is what C means - but I'm only that size in these brands and in those brands I take a size bigger/smaller or I hate this type/colour/make - oh and don't forget the matching pants!"

Correct me if I'm straying into presumptuous territory here but I don't think it happens very often or my mates wouldn't be ringing me and John Lewis and Selfridges wouldn't have been running underwear masterclasses for fellas at Christmas!

Honest to god, I've seen the question 'what cup and back size is she sir?' bring blokes out in a cold sweat and who can blame them?

And it's the same terrified expression that I've come across when women are similarly panicked by the question 'do you want a beer or an ale?' because no one has ever told them that the damn things were different.

I imagine the thought process goes something like this:
Internal voice:"Isn't beer ale? Or is ale beer or... oh bugger it"
Externally: "I'll have a glass of wine please."

Back to the lingerie section and, if the shop assistant is feeling particularly sadistic, they could start saying: "Is sir looking for a balconette, or is madam a full cup kind of girl? And would you like matching briefs, bikinis-style briefs, g-string, shorts or French knickers to match?"

Which is kind of the underwear equivalent of saying: "What beer would you like? A hoppy beer - like a classic bitter or would you like something with more zing like an IPA? Or do you want a malty one? Porter, mild, ESB?"

It all comes down to the flow of information and, frankly, that's where the beer market as a whole and the cask market in general get let down.

On either subject the issue of support has a tendency to be key - so let's demand a little bit more of it!

BTW if any blokes reading this need advice, please don't message me - follow this link! http://www.signonsandiego.com/entertainment/street/2007/12/fashion_a_mans_guide_to_linger.html

Bang the Drum

This follows on from the previous thread - I got some feedback from an article that I wrote for CAMRA's What's Brewing? and editor Tom Stainer has kindly agreed that I can reproduce it here - please let me know what you think.


YOU may have heard about the launch of Harry’s Beer – designed by, and for, women. On the surface this femALE, as it has been dubbed, has been set up with all the right intentions and a real possibility of making a mark.

The brainchild of 19-yearold Shrewsbury entrepreneur Harriet Easton, pictured right, in partnership with local brewery Hanby Ales, it is designed to be a drink that not only appeals to women, in taste and appearance, but in the way it’s marketed too.

Very laudable and, regardless of anything that follows, well done Hanby for taking on the challenge and I have a lot of respect for the boldness of Harriet in taking on a market that is, often rightly, perceived as one of the last bastions of sexist and offensive marketing.

Take a minute to see what we’ve got to be proud of!

Foster’s for example. During a 30-second or so ad we can be treated to a bloke hiding his beer under a tall woman’s sizeable “rack” to keep it cool, or hiding behind an overweight matron to shade his precious pint – it’s pathetic.

Or perhaps we could go back in time a bit – anyone remember the supposedly female-friendly Holsten Fusion? Mixed with this pilsner of dubious merits were apple, citrus or blackcurrant flavours – perhaps Al Murray was inspired by this when he coined the phrase “fruit-based drink for the lady”?

For me, this captures perfectly the kind of outmoded thinking still held by many beer marketeers – it was just as disgusting as it sounds by the way.

But how do you challenge this type of lazy and flawed marketing? This brings us full circle to Harry’s Beer.

The story of how this beer was created continues with female focus groups and taste tests to discover what flavours women wanted and citrus was a real winner. At this point I’m excited.

The focus groups have identified that they like those brews made with Maris Otter and Cascade and decided they can be greatly enhanced with essence of sweet oranges – okay, I’m not a fan of fruit beers but if this has a touch of zestiness, I can see myself lapping it up during the summer months!

Then, inevitably, the story starts to unravel.

Now, before I make my case for why the marketing of this product has failed me as a female and a beer drinker, I’d like those of you who haven’t had the dubious pleasure of meeting me to understand something. I am not a raging feminist, and I haven’t come across higher levels of sexist behaviour in the brewing industry than I have in the wider world.

So what has really pissed me off about this whole thing is that in the promotional blurb they’ve actually fallen into the traditional “macho” marketing trap by feeling they have to describe Harriet as “strikingly attractive”.

Now, before you think I’m bitter because she’s younger and prettier than me, what’s really ticked me off is that the story of this product started so well, only to be undermined by feeling they have to state this beer hasn’t been created by some comfortable shoe-wearing old battle axe, but an attractive young woman – why?

Surely only the most sadly misogynistic old git would jump to this conclusion and that by pointing out that she’s a good-looking lass is merely pandering to the macho marketing mindset that this most pro-female of beer brands is supposed to be the antithesis of?

And I don’t agree that the cask market is inherently sexist, I think women just haven’t had enough exposure to beer because often, the last time they tried it years ago, it was poorly kept and warm – less common now.

And as for the assertion in the press release that many over-the-bar offerings are “high chemical” I can only say this is, at best, naïve and only further helps perpetuate a myth that is damaging to the brewing industry and would urge a retraction.

On a more aesthetic note why is she holding a handled jug in the picture? I can’t think of anything less appealing to a female drinker who isn’t trying to out-lad the lads! Surely we’re done with that fad now?

Not a lot of people, let alone women, want to be seen holding a jug. In fact one of the biggest complaints I get from women is that the glassware is just so ugly. I must point out that the beer will have “curvaceous” branded glasses – with a daisy on them. I’m sorry, but I’m not a buyer of this either because I can’t see a lot of blokes drinking from a pretty flowery glass and why should they be excluded?

Just as women shouldn’t be kept from enjoying beer by ridiculous social mores, why should men be told, albeit subliminally by the chintzy nature of the receptacle, they can’t drink this product either?

Being as bad as the “macho marketers” doesn’t make women, any better!

But, returning to the million dollar question, how do you challenge this male dominated image of beer through marketing? My answer is you don’t.

My assertion is that cask and real ale products need to be smarter than the average beer by giving all members of society, female or male, the knowledge and confidence to try a range of amazing brews; at the risk of sounding like New Labour in the Nineties it’s about education, education, education!

I believe journalists, campaigners, beer lovers and brewers should be allowing all ages and walks of life the opportunity to try top-quality beer. Where I think Harry’s Beer did get it right is its creators encouraged trials among its target market and that is a lesson the market as a whole, should take to heart.

There should be more sampling at food shows and consumer events, brewers should do more staff training with their customers and pubs should demand third of a pint glasses from their suppliers and sell these legal measures of real ales – it’s seen great success at the Great British Beer Festival after all.

We should also not be shooting ourselves in the foot by running campaigns like the, in my opinion, ill-thought-out Ninkasi (used by CAMRA in 2002 to launch the GBBF).

And, finally, if you must create a product like Harry’s Beer to bang the pro-female drum please, for the sake of women beer drinkers everywhere, don’t change to a beat that’s in tune with the current macho-marketing mindset halfway through.

Blimey - people DO read my articles!

It can sometimes be a bit of a wilderness being a writer - you very rarely get to engage on a one-to-one basis with your readers and it's normally only when they are angry with you for some reason.

Often it is over a perceived slight, whether real or (as is more normally the case) imaginary, tiny inaccuray or, very rarely, over a bloody great big howler you would like to commit to the voids of space.

But, every so often, you write an opinion piece that gets a response and so far - and I'm guaranteed to be dooming myself to an absolute shit storm tomorrow - it's been good.

You see I wrote a piece for What's Brewing? about a new femALE (geddit?!) which has been widely touted as the best thing since Lycra for the fairer sex.

You may, or may not depending on how well you know me, be surprised to hear that whilst I don't have a problem with this per se I do have a problem with the way it has been marketed the major reasons being:

• If you want to criticise the real ale market for pandering to men don't describe your figurehead female as young and attractive half-way through your press release
• Don't put daisies on the glass - that makes you no better than these alleged misogynistic marketeers, there's not a lot of blokes who will drink from a glass with flowers on it - in fact who drinks Flower's these days at all?!
• And finally, don't tell me that a daisy offsets the fact that you've created a handled jug - it's not feminine, I don't want to drink from it because I'm not trying to prove something, are we not over ladette syndrome yet?

I will be asking editor Tom Stainer if I can reproduce the article on my blog at a later date, however, gist of it is that marketing beer to women is about NOT marketing beer to women.

Yeah, I know, very contradictory and there's probably blokes out there saying 'bloody typical woman' - but my point is this: why are we trying to market beer at women when we could be promoting grass-roots in pub and in-supermarket beer education at the whole damn population for a fraction of the cost that a patronising ad campaign can be put together for?!

Sod the advertising, sod the magic bullet, and certainly sod someone putting daisies on my glass - particularly when you've put a bloody great ugly handle on the damn thing - bring on education, interest, confidence to order a beer in a strange pub and know not only that I'll like it but to send it back if I don't because it's not right!

A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing they say - which is why I'm just smart enough to know that I want to be more educated about beer, and so do a lot of other members of both sexes.

Beers on Wheels

All right, it won't help if you drink too much and can't be arsed to move - but there's just something about this that smacks of genius to me!

http://www.switched.com/2008/01/06/rc-cooler-the-remote-controlled-beer-delivering-robot/

Light Harvest

Seeing as it's the time of year when when we are all making ridiculous promises and thinking about diets I thought I'd try the bottle of Harvest Ale the boys at Badger kindly sent me.

For those who don't know of this ale yet it recently won a Tesco Drinks Award in the lo/no alcohol category (one category I always beg organisers not to put me in for judging!) and I'm jolly impressed - I can only presume it totally blew the competition away!

At just 2.5%ABV it's well-hopped and I love the no-nonsense approach they have deeming it the perfect lunchtime pint.

There is an initial slightly sulphorous note to it but that quickly disappates into a lovely refreshing hoppy and slightly fruity finish and is so light on the stomach that it would go well with even the heaviest of winter dishes but I can see it really coming into its own in summer with a zesty lemon chicken salad or seafood straight from the barbie.

All in all if you a looking for something at the opposite end of the scale to a lot of the extreme or strong beers that seem to be invading from overseas (not that I have much objection to that) then I really would recommend it.

No Pale Imitation

Well, given that Pete Brown has now landed in India - for those of you who haven't been following his epic adventures visit http://www.petebrown.blogspot.com/ - I thought I would offer some tasting notes on the version of his Calcutta Ale that hasn't made the journey, which I tried at the really rather good Old Ale Festival at the White Horse the other weekend.

The nose is full of clove, banana and marzipan immediately - with a background of subtle caramel tones and a very slight lime zest.

The initial flavours are of a slightly tomatoey/orangey nature with very little discernable maltiness and then, suddenly, up pop some very slight burnt coffee notes followed by a medicinal spike of hop - which I'd hazard will have evened out on Pete's journey - and then you just get this enormously long, dry hop finish which, I have to say, made me feel incredibly hungry!

I could certainly drink more than a couple of pints of this in its
un-sea-soned state (geddit?!) and it is certainly a really brilliant pre-dinner pint to get the old juices flowing.

So congrats Mr Brown, your epic journey has not only been entertaining to follow but has also produced a really very drinkable beer.

Confused & Bemused

Beer sales have slumped to their lowest level since the Great Depression, according to figures released by the British Beer & Pub Association today (November 20, 2007).

But I'm a bit confused and bemused by this announcement and what it's trying to achieve; because, to my mind, all this proclamation is going to generate is stories about beer not being popular any more, which - if we're not careful - could surely just become a self-perpetuating prophesy.

Now the BBPA will doubtless claim that its aim is to highlight the rising costs and sinking sales of its members' products - but it is probably a good idea to remember that a significant number of its members are the big brewers and pub companies, which have a certain brewing and stocking policy that involves a lot of mainstream lager brands...

If you then think about this in light of the recent report written by Pete Brown* on the cask ale market, which showed most of the top-line 5% decline in the cask market comes from the ‘big four’ multi-national brewers, you begin to see a slightly different story emerging.

And if you then notice that these same companies are systematically withdrawing support from their cask brands.... I think you're beginning to get the outline of the picture here.

And now for the colour - independent and local brewers are reporting growth, on average, of 7.5% year-on-year, because they are enthusiastically investing in their brands which have genuine local provenance and are brewed in their country of origin, in many cases just down the road from where they are being drunk.

So why has this story been released? Well we all know that there is the threat of additional taxation on booze and this will undoubtedly be a bad thing for the brewing industry and pub trade - not to mention your pocket and mine - and I don't have a problem with trying to challenge that.

The major problem I DO have is that, once again, the BBPA's doom and gloom approach does nothing more than further damage beer's image by painting it as a product that nobody wants.

What this report seems to say to me, when viewed in light of Pete Brown's findings, is that, actually, fewer people want mass-produced products and that the big brewers are missing out by under-investing in their cask brands.

In fact, I remember very clearly nearly 10 years ago a representative of Bass Brewers saying that nobody wants cask any more because it's too complicated to have a living organism in the cellar and that consumers were 'voting with their throats' by moving to lager and smoothflow products.

And, whilst I am all for the Chancellor taking on board that there have been major increases in costs for nearly all the raw materials required for beer production, I think it's more than a little disingenuous of the big brewers to start crying now when they've held a lager/smoothflow monopoly over people's beer tastes for a good few decades.

Quite simply boys it's someone else's turn to play now so, rather than stamping your feet and taking your ball in, perhaps a look at the way consumers are 'voting with their throat' would do your business some good...

...but maybe that's just too simplistic a view.

*The Intelligent Choice Report on the state of the cask ale market was written by Pete Brown and co-published by the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA), the Independent Family Brewers of Britain, the Society of Independent Brewers, the Cask Marque Trust and the Why Handpull? group.

Oldies but Goldies at White Horse

The White Horse is holding an old ale festival for the 25th year in a row on November 23 - I'm potentially running a seminar too, could be aimed at getting girls to like beer more so if you've got a wife/girlfriend or mate who needs convincing watch this space for some help!

The event starts on November 23, at 5pm, and runs over three days until the evening of Sunday November 25, with at least 50 beers representing these historic styles from around the world.

Large and small family, regional and microbrewers alike will feature in the White Horse’s festival line-up – with such name as Harveys, Bateman’s and Fullers, Freeminer, Brew Dog and Cottage all being represented.

And, subject to availability, the line up could also be supplemented by some of our innovative brewing cousins from over the water as well as up to 10 European beers and six ciders too.

Other events are planned throughout the weekend, live music on Friday and Saturday night, Morris Dancing from the Leominster Morris on Sunday, and live Jazz to nicely bring the festival to a close on Sunday afternoon. The BBQ will be running all weekend - featuring a hog and buffalo roast – and for those looking for some traditional pub entertainment there will be a variety of bar games like Shove Ha’Penny and Pub Skittles scattered around the pub for everybody’s enjoyment.

What Beer Buying Sites Do You Rate?

Hiya all,
I'm writing an article for Beers of the World on the world's top beer retail sites - so if you have any suggestions please email me on melissa.cole@btopenworld.com

I'm only looking for retailing sites not blogs, websites or anything else so please just email with relevant information.

Cheers for all your input.

Melissa